How does it feel to move to the other side of the world?

I feel like there are a lot of thoughts running around in my head at the moment. So wildly disorganized that I’m not even sure what I’m thinking about.

That’s why I needed to stop and write.

To make sense of them because not all of them are words, some are feelings, images, sensations, hopes…

I guess I’m just stressing out about my next big move. I am trying to imagine what my life will be like in ALL the possible ways so that one of them WILL HAVE TO be true in the end.

There is this constant need in me of having to know the future.

Well, I’m sure it’s not only me. Uncertainty is a big struggle for most humans.

But people often tell me that I’m brave, that I take risks, and embrace change. And maybe it’s true, but in reality, I’m never too confident about any of these changes. Because uncertainty makes me feel extremely nervous.

I can feel it in my stomach, in my jaw, in my head, in my sleep.

And my thoughts just never stop. I constantly feel that I’m wrong, that the choice I didn’t make was the better one.

So, now, one month before my adventure, I am worrying about everything I might lose when I let go of this safety net that is the present routine.

Or rather, everything that will remain.

Will I keep being alone? Will I keep struggling with money?

Will I keep working a job I hate? Will I keep losing myself in day-to-day life?

I may look strong from the outside, all excited about moving to the other side of the world on my own.

But from the inside, I’m a freaking anxious mess.

And I also was all the other times I moved abroad in the past.

Because despite how excited you might feel about a new adventure, there will always be uncertainty.

I would like to say it gets easier with practice.

But that’s not my experience at least 😅

And I’ve done this a few times already:

Ireland > Canada > New Zealand > Slovakia > back to Spain > and now back to Canada

And every time, before leaving, I became very, very introspective and anxious.

But because I’ve done this before, I now know (and truly, deeply believe) that everything works out eventually ✨

Once you’re traveling, once you’re on your own, once you’re in the flow and you’re free, the most unexpected opportunities will find you and you will find the strength to say yes to them.

And it usually feels like life was leading you to that exact moment. That it was meant to be. That it was just THE thing that you needed.

So, don’t get me wrong, I will keep being an anxious mess until I get there (because unfortunately I still can’t read the future despite how much I feel I NEED to know it).

But I know with absolute certainty that once I am in that traveling flow again, and when that future becomes the present, everything will start falling into place.

Everything will work out eventually when it needs to

and I will be alright 💛