Lessons from pole dancing on top of a table at a bar in el Raval

Two months ago, I said goodbye to my job of two years. And to celebrate, I went for dinner with my friends. One thing led to another...

and I ended up pole dancing on top of a table at a bar in el Raval in Barcelona.

"Why is that surprising if you have been practicing pole dancing for years?" you may wonder.

Well, because I am and have always been very shy and insecure.

But I saw the pole first thing right after we crossed the door and walked into the bar. (I have some sort of a pole radar). And I joked about dancing on it, so my friend started telling everyone that I do pole dancing. And I started to regret having opened my mouth.

A couple of shots and beers later, my friend (a badass not afraid of anything) said: If I do it, you do it?

Before I could even reply, she was dancing all sexy and confident on that pole coming out from the middle of a table surrounded by people drinking their beers.

And I also wanted to be that person. That crazy, spontaneous, sexy, fun person.

But I'm not.

I wanted to be that person since we stepped into the bar. But all I could think of was:

"I'm gonna look ridiculous because I haven't practiced in months,"

"I'm gonna suck at it, and everyone knows now that I practice pole dancing..."

"Everyone will laugh at how bad I am despite the training,"

"I don't know how to move sexily,"

"I'm just gonna look funny."

I knew they were just words in my head. But they are so powerful at the moment, right? So I wanted to defeat them. I wanted to prove them wrong (well, not "wrong" because I knew I was going to suck at it for real).

But I wanted to prove to myself that nobody was going to care.

So when my friend finished dancing and jumped back down from the table, I gave her my phone and climbed up.

And I sucked.

I still feel embarrassed just picturing this memory: I tried inverting, and I couldn't do it because I was wearing thick jeans, because I was (still am) very out of shape, because whatever reason, I couldn't invert.

To me, that alone was already a failure.

But, guess what?

Nobody cared. Or realized.

In fact, they were surprised, clapping, and cheering.

When I saw the video that my friend took of me, I saw this lady getting so surprised and excited when I attempted my inversion. And I also remembered that guy who hi-fived me when I got back down to the floor.

And I realized that not only they did not care, but they were impressed.

Now it's been a while since that moment, and as you may know, I think a lot. So these are the lessons I took from pole dancing on top of a table at a bar in el Raval:

1. Just do it. Nike got it right. Whenever you get the impulse to do something (as long as you're not putting yourself or others in danger) just fucking do it! Most probably nothing will happen, it won't really matter, but you will have fun.

2. Everyone lives a different reality. As I didn't fulfill the expectations of what I knew I can do, I still think I failed. But for someone who has never tried pole dancing before, what I did was impressive. None of us is more right than the other, because we lived that event from the perspective of our different realities.

3. The importance of the journey. I keep thinking about why I still feel like I failed. There's too much focus on the goal, we've always been rewarded for meeting goals (passing an exam, performing that show in front of an audience, scoring in a game) but not for taking the actions that will eventually lead you (or not) to it. There's no cheering during that journey, there's no pride in trying, in having the ovaries to just go ahead and try. And if I don't meet the goal, if I don't perform perfectly, the energy spent during that journey, during those tries, just does not matter, it vanishes. And that's not fair because, even if it wasn't perfect, it's so impressive that I tried! Maybe everyone in that bar was thinking of getting on top of that table and pole dance. But everyone did not do it, I did it.

I don't know if I'm expressing my point properly... But I guess the real lesson is that perfectionism is a trap that keeps you from fully having fun. So I'm going to actively and consciously try to change my narrative to "fuck perfectionism".

Just do it, live your life, and have fun!

Pole dancing: Expectation vs Reality

Expectation:

Reality:

I love you girl ✨ thank u 🫶🏽